Welcome to Cult of Perfect!
This is a limited run podcast about the intersection of motherhood, public performance, and bodies.
We are Sara Petersen and Virginia Sole-Smith. You can read more about us here.
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Content Warning: Today’s episode discusses infertility, pregnancy loss, infant loss, and explicit examples of medical anti-fat bias with scholars Margaret Quinlan and Erin Basinger. We promise there is a lot of good coming, too, but we’re very aware that these are hard topics. Please take care of yourselves.
Cult of Perfect Episode 2 Transcript
Virginia
Okay, Sara. You are my thin friend. I mean, look, I have a lot of thin friends. But you are one of my thin friends and so I am curious to hear: As a Thin, how did weight come up for you during your pregnancies?
Sara
I mean, it came up all the time. I fit the “basketball bump” stereotype, so that was constantly commented on: “Your bump is so cute. You wouldn’t even know you’re pregnant from the back.” Just constant laudatory commentary, which was weird.
If we’re socialized as female, we taught that if anything about our physical appearance is a “positive,” we should appreciate that feedback. We should be grateful for that. We should smile and say thank you. But in all of those unsolicited comments is the undercurrent of, If you didn’t look like this, you would not be getting this commentary. You would not get this positive affirmation. And that’s really troubling.
Virginia
Yes. Hang on to this for dear life, because we do expect this from you. Anyone who has been pregnant knows how invasive any kind of body commentary is. Your body becomes public domain in this really weird way. And even when the comments are friendly, or joyful, or complimentary, they feel wrong. But we definitely talk about thin pregnant people’s bodies differently than we talk about fat pregnant people.
In my first pregnancy, I was upper straight sizes. By the time I had my second pregnancy, I was in the gray area between straight and plus, and now I am firmly plus sized. So I was thinking back on the different input I got from pregnancy one to pregnancy two. There definitely was more positive feedback in pregnancy one when I was thinner to begin with. But in both cases, I never took maternity photos. And I think a lot of that was to do with the fact that I didn’t “look pregnant” the right way.
I had this very disorienting experience during both my pregnancies where it was the one time of my life where I finally didn’t “have to worry about my stomach.” I am someone who was always rounder in the middle. Even when I was thin, I was rounder in the middle. I am still round in the middle, it’s just how I’m built. So this was so freeing. Being round in the middle was finally a socially acceptable state of being!
So I was leaning into the maternity clothes pretty early on. But I would have people say things like, “Oh, you don’t even need maternity clothes yet! You don’t look pregnant.” So when I was a thin person who was rounder in the middle, I was mistaken for pregnant constantly when I wasn’t pregnant. I’ve written an essay about it. This was a fact of my existence for years and years, where I would get seats on the subway and I would get moved to the head of a buffet line. It was always uncomfortable and invasive and strange. Then once I actually was pregnant and also becoming fatter, I was never mistaken for pregnant until week 30.
Sara
Oh my God.
